Finding Peace in COVID-19 Quarantine

Guess what? It’s spring, which is the time for new things.

If you’re not enjoying much of the stay-at-home life, you’re not alone.

I and many others I’ve connected with recently are in the same boat. I hate this. And there’s no part of me that is smiling because “I’m safe.” I’m just… annoyed.

The first step is acceptance, right? At least, that is what I’ve heard. Accept the truth so that you can begin the healing process (or whatever kind of process you need to begin).

For many of us — possibly even you — there’s a physical and psychological anxiety that has cozied up next to us on the sofa and taken over. Memes about being happy or “together in this” are now just irritating. I get it. I’m with you!

We have to stay sane… but how?

While misery definitely loves company, after a couple weeks of constant venting especially with my sister and mother, I realized I would have to move out of the funk and find ways to relax psychologically. As it turns out, staying at home isn’t necessarily relaxing when it’s mandatory, and when you have a rebellious spirit like I do.

I didn’t wake up one day and have an epiphany on how to relax and find peace. Peace found me, through a variety of activities I was doing and mindsets I was adopting, unaware at first of their benefits.

The typical advice I’ve been hearing, like, “exercise more” or “eat healthy,” just doesn’t work as practically as it might seem. They are the same pieces of advice given to people who are in mourning, or who are depressed. When you’re depressed, do you want to eat healthy and exercise? No. Will you be motivated enough to do either of those things? Probably not. Theoretically, they are the right things to do. Practically and realistically speaking, our minds are simply not always going to go along with that kind of plan.

So here are some things I did instead of those more commonly communicated quick fixes.

These aren’t magic pills for misery and these won’t work for everyone. I’m not going to go deep on the psychology of these, either. They worked for me, that’s all.

1. Grow something
2. Ease up on the venting/ranting
3. Stay mentally stimulated

Grow Something

I started a Spring garden the third week of March. It wasn’t exactly a COVID-19 garden; that timing was more coincidental than anything. My boyfriend and I decided to finally clear out a massive fig tree that consumed a quarter of our yard along with a bunch of other shrubs and weeds that had turned our backyard space into a nature preserve.

So when coronavirus sent us both working from home in mid-March, we hired some landscapers to come and clear everything out. That left a great area for an east facing garden nook with north, east and south facing borders.

With the space ready, I set out to grow some things and it turned out to be the best mind medicine I have ever taken.

At this point, I’ve got a raised bed plus numerous containers of plants in a variety of growth phases , plus a few things growing inside and on the patio. And it makes me happy.

How/where to begin

I started with seeds, which I recommend, because you can literally watch them emerge from the earth and that is extremely satisfying. Honestly, there is nothing cooler (to me) than putting a dried seed into earth, watering it, and watching it become an actual plant with leaves and all.

This young cucumber plant with huge green true leaves was a seed in my hand two weeks ago.

You can start any seeds you want, but I’d recommend these fast sprouting veggies that you can start out in small pots or containers. These all grow in warm weather, too, so it’s not too late to plant them in most of the northern hemisphere, if that’s where you live. You can also eat the fruit of your labor (or, laborious curiosity)!

• Cucumbers — Ahhh these buggers are my favorite and super fast growers.
• Bush beans — Bush beans can be grown in a container and when they sprout up it’s the most awe-mazing thing to see.
• Tomatoes — Toms grow fast, if you didn’t realize. I had seedlings within 3 days!

These are bush bean seedlings growing in my raised bed

I’m growing much more than this in my garden but these three are good for you to begin with, and anyone can do this — even if you live in an apartment — so long as you have a sunny spot (preferably a south-facing window).

Why this works

As I mentioned before, I didn’t do this because of COVID-19; I had already planned to start a garden. The timing worked out well for me. I believe this has worked for my anxiety because of the intense amount of focus it takes to grow and keep things alive.

I have succulents who are not as easy to maintain as you might think, and these have been the focus of my gardening even with all of the veggies and fruit growing around them.

When I focus on growing things and creating life, I stop thinking about the fact that I’m stuck at home. In fact, I’m happy to be stuck at home, because I need to watch my garden (not really, but I just want to)! I also happened to start a gardening blog to track my progress. Another win!

If you look closely, you’ll see tiny green rosettes forming on these leaves which were plucked three weeks ago.

Ease Up on the Venting/Ranting

In the beginning, there was venting. A lot of it. Venting and ranting. And at first, it feels really good to do that. It’s nice to feel validated and to realize that you’re not alone in your misery. That truly is a nice feeling.

It’s often why the, “I totally get it, my life sucks, too!” comments make us feel a little better. But after awhile, when you’re done venting and ranting, you’re still in the same situation as before. If anything, venting and ranting works as a very, very temporary solution for pain.

As the venting on my own end died down, I started to feel better, and realized that my own personal ranting moments were prolonging my anxiety, not helping it. They kept it alive just a little bit, every time. Part of me liked this because I never want to get used to being forced to stay in my home. I would never, ever want to get used to that feeling.

Try to stop talking about how mad you are. Even just for a short time. You’ll feel better.

At the same time, I needed some psychological reprieve from myself and my irritation. I didn’t stop venting on purpose; it just happened once a few weeks went by and it got boring to keep talking about the same crap over and over again.

Once I stopped talking about how upset I was, I wasn’t as upset anymore.

Also… avoid people who rile you up

This might go without saying but along with easing up on your own venting/ranting, don’t answer the calls or respond to the texts from people who are trying to vent or rant about this. At least, not if you want peace. It might help them to get it out, but they don’t have to do that with you. If you’re trying to heal/move on, create some distance from those people so that you can.

Stay Mentally Stimulated

This last little trick also did not happen on purpose, but out of boredom. That’s when I realized how well it works.

Just like gardening, intense focus can bring some peace, as weird as that sounds. When I’m playing Chess, I’m not thinking about COVID-19 or quarantine or how my 40th birthday wasn’t as fun as we planned because Vegas closed down or how our Spring Break trip got smashed because San Diego closed down… or any of that.

I play Chess a lot — at Chess.com — and have for years. I didn’t start playing more because of quarantine and closures; I just realized how much better I felt when playing.

Need some psychological distraction? Try Chess.

Puzzles create a similar feeling for me. I started a Ravensburger puzzle that I bought for my boyfriend over a year ago, and during the 2 or so hours I worked at it, I felt pretty good. I have a puzzle/Sudoku type game on my phone that has the same effect.

The Danger of Prolonged Irritation and Why You Should Work At It

I’m no therapist and I don’t have a doctorate in psychology, but I know enough to realize that being angry, irritated or frustrated for a long time isn’t healthy. So if you find yourself in a place where I was, find the thing that gets you out of it.

You can definitely try the temporary — buckets of ice cream or hour-long rants with a sibling — but keep in mind that that kind of thing is not a long-term project for your mind. Instead, pick up something that isn’t too hard (your mind needs stimulation, not defeat) and keeps your mind off of your situation, while bringing some peace.

Best of luck to you.